“I feel numb”, you would probably say, “you should go out and get some exercise”. No, not that kind of numbness, numbness of heart and spirit. You know that feeling when you pray in expectation of something, you don’t see the results, so you just stop. Or the one where you expect a situation to change, it doesn’t and you just stop feeling it. It’s the human way of adapting to unchanging and difficult situations.
Few weeks ago, I was tired of hearing about the Coronavirus. I turned off the news, turned off my phone, and I stopped praying about it. My prayers did not cease immediately, it was gradual, but when they ceased, I realized that there was a problem.
Why? Because I still cared about the frontline workers and their families, I cared about the families who were grieving their loved ones, I cared about the government officials who were making difficult decisions in unprecedented times, I cared about those whose mental health was suffering, I cared about those who were isolating alone, I cared about parents who were schooling their kids and taking care of them 24/7, I cared about people who were struggling to put food on the table, at the same time, my heart could no longer pray for them, I had grown weary.
I still believed that God was good but I was starting to question God’s decision to let this go on for so long. Right now, I have come to understand that trying to understand ‘the why’s’ of our lives sets us on a loop, and it is on this loop journey that we start to forget the goodness of God.
Instead, I focused on what I did understand, God is good, He hears us, and He is with us. I started praying with a community of believers at 6pm everyday, it has helped me place my focus on God. I’m at peace, but I’m not unbothered, I’m lifting up prayers for everyone who needs it.
Written by Tarajustruth